


you can't count on me.

by furies



Category: Uglies - Westerfeld
Genre: Community: femslash09, F/F, book-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-22
Updated: 2009-07-22
Packaged: 2017-10-04 11:30:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furies/pseuds/furies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tally's a Special, but she isn't a Cutter, not yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you can't count on me.

**Author's Note:**

> For the femslash09 challenge. Super-special thanks to fox1013 for hand-holding and making sure I wasn't bogus-making. ;) Thanks to the mods for being so understanding, and redshoeson for the awesome, awesome prompt. This is set between Pretties and Specials.
> 
> **Warnings:** These Specials are Cutters. Yes, that means what you think it does.

The sky was the color of a split pomegranate. The dark, crimson color splashed against the horizon, in stark contrast to the dull color of the hills behind Special Circumstances. Shay thought about the old myths, myths from the pre-Rusty period, about a girl named Persephone who ate six of those seeds while in the underworld. Because of that, the pre-Rusties thought, Persephone's mom, who just happened to be the god of growing food and all other earthly things, got so bogus she created winter, a time when things wouldn't grow. Demeter, Shay thought her name was. Either way, it didn't really matter. The pre-Rusties and Rusties needed stories and gods to explain why things happened to them. Shay didn't. She stared outward, her senses icy, her left hand gently tracing six careful scars on her right thumb.

She smelled Tally before anything else. Shay had turned her skintenna off. The problem with being the boss was that everyone relied on her for decision-making. It was like Ho and Tachs couldn't decide what to eat without having Shay comment on it, and really, that was totally draining-making. Shay liked to get some air, every now and then, and let herself become icy just by being outside – her ceramic bones feeling every little vibration, her black iris eyes catching every movement like a time-elapse camera.

Shay often wished she could forget – forget Tally that was. She had to admit it was nice being pretty, in the beginning. Before Tally betrayed for the milli-time. Shay was happy, and Tally was happy, and they were happy together. But trust Tally to screw it up, and over a stupid boy who was mega brain-missing at the moment, too. Not that Shay didn't like Zane. Because she did, that was the problem. Everything Shay did, Tally had to do better, even when she wasn't trying. It could be so bogus, really, but Shay made Tally special, and that changed everything. It had to.

"Hey, Boss." Tally slipped beside her, her smell so infuriatingly, well, attractive, that Shay wished she had some special smell-covering-device. She was sure the Specials had something that did that somewhere. Maybe they could just make it so it changed Tally's smell. Dr. C would understand. Dr. C understood Shay better than anyone. (At one time, Shay thought that Tally did, but then Tally came to the Smoke and ruined, well, everything, and now Tally called Shay "Boss," and she would be lying if she said it didn't make her icy to hear it coming from that particular mouth.)

Shay took a deep breath. Pheromones, she thought, and maybe that was why David and Zane had been so into Tally, too. Maybe it had nothing to do with facial symmetry. She would have to ask Dr. C about that. Maybe they could use it to their advantage somehow. Trick some New Smokies into falling in love with Tally. People would do anything for her, it seemed. Something pinged in Shay's head. Except for Maddy, she thought. Maddy hated Tally more than anyone. Another thing to remember. Shay wasn't above sacrifice for the greater good.

"Though I would find you up here. Your skintenna's off. The others are getting restless." Shay wanted to laugh at the way Tally said it, like she was a) so genius-making for finding Shay, and b) like Shay would have accidentally turned her skintenna off. Shay was not the type to do something accidentally, unlike Tally Youngblood, who seemed to live her entire life as a series of mistakes. It was so annoying, really, when you got down to it, especially then when Tally wanted to be like, pathetic and all "everything is my fault!" Shay usually wanted to kick her then, or worse. Either say it's your fault and fix it, or stop talking. Or thinking. Skintennas could be really irritating. (Though Shay really did kind of love it when Tally forgot about it, and then did something mega blush worthy, as if they were still uglies.)

She leaned back, her palms against the hard soil. "They have to learn to think for themselves sometimes, Tally-wa. Not everyone is as smart as you," she said, as if she really meant the compliment. Shay's specialness allowed her to pick up on the heat that started coming off of Tally, like Tally really thought Shay was being honest. So easy, Shay thought. When you have the power, it's really so easy to convince people you were honest, to get people to do what you wanted. Each Cutter was like a puppy, even. Not that Shay ever had a puppy, but she knew from her Rusty history what they were. Poor animals that were trained to rely on humans for everything. Shay often felt like the Cutters were a bunch of her own puppies, and she didn't hate it. She could see why the Rusties wanted something that would love them all the time and feel bad when they didn't listen.

"Right, Boss. Always keeping us ready." Tally's voice was closer than Shay expected, and she cursed herself for it.

"Never going to know when we're going to be called into action," she replied, making her voice sound lazy. Shay glanced over at Tally then, and realized it was a mistake.

Tally's skin was bright against the crimson sky, which was getting more and more like eggplant every moment. But Tally was almost illuminated, her flash tattoos new and stark against her pale skin. Shay forced her breathing to remain the same, knowing that Tally had icy senses now too, that they were almost on the same playing field. Shay was sure her flash tattoos were spinning wildly, but Tally wouldn't look at her unless there was reason to. Shay took the time to look at Tally, closely, for the first time since the surgery. Tally's arms were free from scars which would always remind Shay how Tally didn't really belong in the Cutters, how Tally was different and then more different. How this was all a hope that Shay had. How Shay listened to Dr. C wanting Shay, her, telling Shay how she'd watched her since the beginning, how Shay was the really tricky one, how Dr. C knew Tally had just stumbled into everything.

Validation.

Dr. C gave it to her in a way Tally never would, never in a milli-years, and that was why Shay and Dr. C both agreed Tally would be a good special. Because Tally was a nuisance, but they might be able to control her this way. Shay knew Dr. C wanted to use Tally, but Shay and the Cutters had power that Tally never imagined, and Shay wanted her best friend back. She wanted the best friend that she left the note for, back when they were uglies. Not the Tally-wa that betrayed everyone, but the Tally-wa that thought Shay was so bubbly just the way she was. The Tally-wa that raced Shay up the rapids on tricked out hoverboards, and got angry-making when Shay didn't tell her about the gap. And Shay, Shay who left by herself because she didn't want to be pretty, Shay who didn't take a pill but found a way to be bubbly all on her own, Shay who became the youngest special ever. (Shay made sure Tally's surgery came after her's, age-wise, so Shay could always be the youngest. Dr. C understood.)

And yet, there was Tally, sitting next to her. Shay could have just had Tally turned pretty again. Or worse – Dr. C and Shay never talked about the "or worse", but Shay knew there was something. Not just what had happened to Az, something really, really worse. Because in the end, Tally was Shay's best friend, and Shay was sure that given enough time, Tally would realize what mattered.

"Hey," Shay said, still staring at Tally's pristine arms. "Tally-wa?"

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Tell the Cutters they are on their own for the next couple of hours, but to be ready. Orders from the Boss. Then flick your skintenna off."

Tally did what Shay commanded, no questions. Her face betrayed her concern though.

"Anything wrong, Boss?"

Shay thought for a moment about how Tally never called her Shay-la anymore, just Boss. She wasn't sure if she liked it better, or not.

"No, Tally-wa. Nothing's wrong. Not exactly." Shay gave Tally a razor sharp smile. She knew that even though their skintennas were off, the Cutters knew Tally and Shay were together. Tally had given that away, and who knew how much more. But at least this would remain secret. The Cutters knew never to cross Shay.

She shifted herself, so fast Tally's eyes were still reacting when Shay was comfortably resting right next to her, thigh against thigh. Tally was still new to the Special thing, still not sure how fast she could go, how far she could go, how much she could do. It was lucky for Tally that Shay was such a willing teacher, ready to bring Tally up to speed on how things worked in the Cutter world.

She watched Tally's flash tattoos spin wildly, glad that even without the skintenna, Tally was so easy to read. Some things never changed. Shay ran her thin, strong fingers up Tally's arm and watched Tally try to control her shivering.

"The thing is, Tally-wa, you aren't a true Cutter yet."

Tally started to protest, but Shay's hand covered Tally's mouth before she could say much of anything.

"Yeah, I know. You were the one that got bubbly on your own. You didn't need nanos. You were the only one that thought herself out of being brain-missing and bubble-headed. But I found a way too, didn't I? And I didn't need your help. I thought of it all by myself." Shay shoved her arm in front of Tally's eyes, and tried to control her feelings. She didn't think she would get this angry so easily. She made herself breathe, and bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood. Everything returned with icy clarity again, and Shay smiled.

Shay spun Tally around so they were face to face, knee to knee. She took a moment to appreciate Tally's cruel beauty, and the reaction she saw reflected in Tally's black irises. "The thing is, to be a Cutter, Tally, you have to cut." Shay pulled a knife from a sheath along her calf, and watched Tally carefully. Tally was clearly trying to have no reaction.

"So, what to do you say? Ready to join the Cutters, Tally-wa? For real?"

Tally took a deep breath, never breaking eye-contact with Shay. "Yes," she whispered. "Anything for you, Boss."

"Anything?" Shay almost laughed, raising her eyebrow suggestively.

And then, perhaps because Tally's flash tattoos were already spinning out of control, perhaps because Tally never initiated anything herself, Tally caught Shay by surprise. Faster than Shay could blink, Tally had closed the distance between them, and was pressing her lips hard against Shay's own.

When Shay opened her mouth to say something (something, Shay didn't know what, but not stop, but something, because Shay was the Boss), Tally just kissed her deeper, running her tongue against Shay's teeth, making it hard for Shay to breathe. She idly wondered who taught her how to kiss like that, and was pretty sure it was Zane. David didn't seem the type to have that kind of passion within him, unless it was about some non-surge cause.

Tally bit down on Shay's lip, causing Shay to stop thinking about anything but Tally. Tally had broken the skin, and was sucking the blood right out of Shay's lip. She didn't want to admit it, but that was pretty damn icy-making. Maybe more than anything else Shay had ever experienced. But Tally wasn't in control here, Tally wasn't in charge. Tally didn't understand why the cutting worked, what the scars on Shay's arms meant.

The pain didn't just make Shay bubbly in the beginning, or icy now. It made her more herself. It showed her what was important.

When Tally betrayed Shay for the thousandth-repeating time, Tally didn't understand. Because Shay had never betrayed Tally that way, and no one would ever betray Tally the way they would betray Shay. It was something Tally would never understand. And the pain of that, the pain of knowing that Tally would cast her away again and again, tossing her aside when the next boy showed up, or the next cause, or whatever, that made Shay kind of snap that night. The other Crims asked if she was okay, but they were pouring more bubbly and not really caring because they just did this completely bubbly-making trick, and Pretties were never really angry, anyway, right?

So Shay did what a Pretty would never do – she took a knife and she made herself ugly. Little did Shay know it would do more than that. The cutting didn't just make her ugly, painful on the outside. It also made her completely and clearly bubbly – Shay knew, with that first slice, tracing the inside of her left forearm, that she could cure herself. She could cure others. It might not be as pretty as Tally's way, but wasn't the whole point to be un-pretty anyway?

Later, it would become something she would do whenever the stuff inside was too much to deal with. There was a surprising amount inside her to deal with for a pretty-head. Shay kind of thought, after hearing about the operation from Tally, that they took away even more with the Pretty surgery. Why leave all this stuff inside that could hurt so much? Like when anyone reported on the old Crims, on Tally and Zane. Or when she thought about how it felt to realize that she would never, ever be Tally's first choice, even though Tally was her best friend. The bogus balance between them sometimes made her want to explode, but without fail, that sharp twitch of the knife, and watching the blood, her blood, spill in chaotic patterns across her skin brought her back to herself. To Shay.

Not that she would ever tell Tally that. Shay had her own secrets, and even though Tally was a Special now, she was still Tally.

But Special Tally wanted to kiss Special Shay, and Shay remembered that she was the one with the power.

She pushed Tally off, hard enough to make Tally hit the ground with a grunt. "Is that really what you want, Tally-wa?" Shay was surprised by her voice. It was appropriately growl-making, like a Special's voice should be. But she heard a trace of pleading in it, and she hoped Tally couldn't pick it up.

Tally twisted under her, so that her legs were wrapped around Shay's leg. "Yes," she breathed. "Yes, Boss." Tally started shifting her pelvis upward against Shay's leg, and Shay realized what was going on. "This is what I want."

Shay stopped her. "Do you want to be a Cutter, Tally-wa?" And this was important, this was maybe the most important thing.

She could see Tally try to slow her breathing, felt Tally's fists clench and release. "Yes. I want to be a Cutter."

Shay handed Tally the knife.

Tally took it, placed the blade on the exposed flesh of her upturned wrist. "No," Shay said gently. "Not there."

Tally moved the blade to her upper arm, and staring hard into Shay's eyes, sliced downward. Shay was the one that broke the stare, watching blood pool to the surface. It was thick and slow, viscous, and such a bright red. She caught her breath. "Welcome to the club, Tally-wa."

And then Tally was kissing Shay again, and this time, they knew each other's strength. Shay pushed her away to lick the blood off Tally's arm, and Tally kissed her again, saliva and blood mixing, sweet and bitter and metallic in a way that made sense for two people who were rebuilt into something Special.

Shay wasn't sure there weren't spy-cams around, but decided she didn't care. Dr. C would understand, when Shay explained she had to get Tally on their team, all the way. She might even smile at that phrase. But Tally was here now, and Shay didn't want to think about anything else. Tally was moaning and slipping between her fingers and legs, and they touched each other hard enough to leave bruises, if they weren't Specials.

Tally was definitely the more experienced here, even if Shay didn't want to admit it. With a practiced skill, she turned the situation in her favor, demanding, "Show me what you've got, Tally-wa," and Tally pushed her to the ground, roughly pushing up Shay's shirt, and then gently, so gentle it was painful, biting her nipples. Tally's hand appeared suddenly against Shay's inner thighs, slipping in between her pants and pressing hard against Shay's pleasure-making spot. Shay gasped. This was more than she had felt at once since the first time she cut, and this feeling was all together different. This was bubbly and icy and tricky, and every word she could think of. It was pretty, even if it was ugly. Shay knew that didn't make sense, but it felt like it made sense, all the sense in the world. Tally's breath moved upward, Shay's sensitive skin exploding with desire with each air particle. Tally was sucking on her earlobe, Tally's hand circling faster and faster. Shay was glad Tally couldn't see her face, her surge spinning wildly. Tally definitely knew what she was doing, Shay had to give her that. And if this is why she spent so much time locked in that room with Zane . . . well, Shay could be forgiving, especially when it came to Tally. That was part of the problem, Shay thought, she always wanted to believe the best in Tally.

And then Shay came, quick bursts of stars across her pupils. Tally rolled to her side, and their breathing slowly started to match each others.

"That was," Shay started.

"Yeah," Tally cut her off. "Yeah." Shay looked over at her, and Tally's flash tattoos were still spinning wildly.

Shay leaned over and kissed Tally, tracing her razor teeth and memorizing her cruel-pretty smile, her black irises filled with Shay. "You didn't have to do that," Shay said.

Tally shrugged. "I wanted to." And Tally traced Shay's scars, traced the first scar that Shay ever had, the thin white line following her ulna to its joint. Shay was a Special, had been Special for a while, so she didn't tremble, even though she wanted to. She didn't collapse into Tally's arms, even though she wanted to. Her bones were literally too strong for that.

Shay looked at the cut Tally had made on her own arm, already closed up and pink, almost fully healed. "You'll have a scar."

Tally smiled. "Isn't that kind of the point, Boss?"

Shay knew Tally would never understand, not really. But it didn't matter so much, now. Now, Shay knew Tally would do anything to get icy. And Shay understood what Tally meant she talked about Zane's kisses breaking through her bubble-head thinking.

For now, she had her best friend back, and for now, Shay was happier and icier than she ever could remember, and the sky was the color of Tally and Shay's black irises.


End file.
